These are favorites at our house! Mark is extremely science-oriented (and Janine seems to be following in his footsteps). He spends hours pouring over Visual Dictionaries and Wildlife Encyclopedias and watching Wonders of God's Creation and other science videos. He is really quite knowledgeable for his age. While it is no surprise that he liked these science books also, I was surprised that they were not too "simple" for him, with the availability of all those adult-level books. Much can be absorbed from these - they illustrate and explain advanced concepts at levels children can appreciate. The narrative is a blend of story and information and the illustrations (including visual aids such as colorful charts, maps and diagrams) are appealing and uncluttered. Each book introduces a science concept, then provides a step-by-step explanation within a clearly-written narrative. You may be able to find some of these at your library, but we decided that these were "keepers."
Give it some time, money is not everything...give that love to yourself and others that appreciate you and when she's ready to talk then you will be able to decide at what level you want to be in her life vs versa. Good luck.
READ BOOK 52 Weekly Devotions for Busy Families: Choose The Level that Fits Your Life Style
@Sally No we have to refuse to live with a broken heart. I break down all the time. But I remind myself what my daughter did and her refusal to give an explanation for it. Who does that?She is who she is and I have no more control over anything in her life. I can control only what I do and setting limits with her. She was "trained" in a Christian group at the university by one of the younger peer for a year. The result was she became someone we never knew. Believes lies now. The assignment was to get intimate with peer's lives , well, my daughter let this young woman listen to our phone conversations behind my back. I never even saw this woman let alone met with her ! Maybe they even record my phone conversation with my own daughter. Now 2.5 years later, my daughter met a young man and guess who is his friend on Facebook? This trainer form the university. We can never get rid of this person, she is invading all aspects of my daughter's life. I talk to my child weekly, (she calls, I don't after her betrayal with a stranger on the phone behind my back) but talk about only superficial things. Very painful. Sometimes I want to cut every communication with her because this fake connection is more troubling for me. My other daughter suffers also seeing my depression, sudden anger and struggling with every day problems. Losing one child changes everything ! And my other baby no matter how fantastic she is, does not fulfill the void in our heart. I work with troubles teens and they have more decency than my own beloved daughter . My clients say:"I would never call the police on my mom, she changed my diaper."I did not even get this after 25 years of financial, emotional investment and self sacrificing adoration of this child. I am glad you have a man who support you. It is hard for men to understand this. My husband already gave up on our child. He does not associate with evil intents. But I need his presence and love and you too are lucky to have him. We need these guys and not an abusive child in our lives. We just want the best for our kids, and the need there is giving. I learned to give to others now. My clients, my friends, myself, my husband. I pray to the lord to help me through this and I don't get more harmed. I found this by Charles Spugeon, even if you are not a believer, this might help. Charles Spurgeon's Morning and Evening - Wednesday, May 4, 2016 Morning "Shall a man make gods unto himself, and they are no gods."
Dear Heartbrokenparent, Thank you for your advise, I really appreciatre it. You are so right, my daughter caught up in a cult. My husband calls it a "one person cult" with this woman. My whole being wanted to talk to this woman at first but later as I saw clearly the devastating effect on my child and on ur lives, I became very angry and resentful of this person. I met with her once at our daughter's fake graduation from grad school (she did not get her diploma for being unable to complete her thesis) and I barely talked to her more than 5 sentences. The break came after the graduation, with police called on us and when my husband tried to reason with our daughter after the police left and we chose to stay in the apartmenty, my daughter ignored my husband's attempt to talk. She was on the phone over an hour with the "trainer". After we moved back her 13 hours away to our home, two days later she deserted our family with a note denouncing us. A week later she ended up at the town of her grad school, and her friends gave me a call in the middle of the night asking me to buy a ticket bc she does not know what to do anymore. (she was mentally very unstable). Her "trainer" certainly was nowhere, and lied to my daughetr saying that she did not know that my child went back to her university town. My daughter let me read an email form her trainer later and this woman was scorning my child why she went back to her "prison". As much as prison concerned, my daughter moved out at 18 to go to fancy school that we paid for, so she did not live with us for over 9 years !!! Currently I have lots of anger and hatred for this woman. She broke up our family, brain washed my child and honestly destroyed my life for over 2.5 years. The young man in my child's life is 7 years older than she is, squeeky clean, very nice person as far as I can tell from reading his Facebook. If he does not want to connect with us, I know for sure that my daughter fills his head with lies about us. My daughter talks about him in super relatives, (just like about this other woman) and I have a therapist instinct that again that she does not see him in realistic way. Thinking about this woman created serious anxiety attacks for me. I found that setting limits with my child was probably the only useful step I could take in weakening the control she has over us. My daughter invited this trainer to her new place, (hours away) and after the visit, she posted picures of them together as tourists. I felt such sharp pain in my heart I dropped my child from my friend list. She sent an email after she discovered my actions and complained that it hurt her. I told her that I do not wish to see this woman ever. After couple of hours of deleting her facebook, she went back again, and blocked me from seeing anything that is related to this person. Good for me. I found that my begging just gave control to my daughter and no matter what, I am still her mother. I gained some power after I made adjustments to our communication and her access to my social media site. I know that they had hundrends of texts (I paid for her phone while she was home) between them all day, every day. Pathological. The most amusing fact is that this "trainer" is challenged cognitively as a student, ugly inside/out and accomplished nothing so far in life. She came from a broken family and kept home in her whole life. Guess who was in prison ? We are decent people and wanted reconciliation first. However, I think we would not want to reconcile with evil. I pray for this woman to find somebody and let my child go. The damage that was done and since our begging, asking was unanswered made more harm. We will never be the same. Sorrow was never this real and happiness never this unreachable. We were thrown into an impossibble hardship and I think we must get back our power maybe in different areas than our core identity which is parenthood. Thank you again for your suggestions, I am open to them, and who knows I might be ready to try them one day?
It's true what so many people are saying in these posts... From the depression, the nightmares. The PTSD as a result. She a child leaves the home and basically runs away to the other house and then completely disconnect it's brutal. In my case, my daughter, the. 15More 1/2 and a sophomore in huh school, threw fits. She as constantly under pressure from either her father or her step mother to try to resolve my ex's and my custody issue after he tried to force the arrangement back to an absurd back and forth every few day situation that we did when they we're young. She felt it was her place to involve herself and try to negotiate custody between us. Her father fed her our court papers and lawyer emails and exchanges to fuel her. She would say incredibly hurtful things. She would scream and yell and I had it. My son and I we're being bullied by her and her moods and it was horrible. She is much like her father now and refuses to see me or talk to me. It's been 3 years. Missed holidays. Missed birthdays. Homecoming. Family events. So many milestones and sundress of unanswered texts. Handwritten cards. Flowers,on her birthday. Her favorite Homemade cookies shuttled through her brother at Christmas. I get nothing. Not one response. Ever. Her father is completely in the dark about how much he is responsible for this as well. He is a bad father. He is a bad person and it's abusive that he not get her help. She just turned 18 in January. I get an email from my ex and his wife telling me she up has been accepted to 3 school and I need to check out the tuition. Are you effn kidding me?! I hear nothing from either of them about anything having to do with her. NOTHING and when asked they say just concern yourself with our son. Three years and this is the first news I get. I haven't slept well in days. My son -16 now- refuses to talk about anything. He has for a long time so I stopped trying. I made sure he knows how much I love him and I encouraged him to love his sister and that he does not ever need to chose sides. Be a good brother. Be a good son. Be there for her but know you are a different person and you will never and should never have to choose. I said to stay out of it as best he can because she's making poor decisions. He doesn't have to let anyone bully him into doing what he feels differently in his heart. I honestly think he gets it as he has continued to go back and forth between the houses. There are only a few things that can pull me out of this swirling depression which hits me every morning and that is being able to look back and see I haven't wavered in letting her know the door is open when she's ready. Letting her clueless father know she is an at risk teen who needs help learning how to communicate and not resort to tantrums or running away. Knowing that what she did WAS runaway. That she will have to live with the consequences of her actions. She will have to live with the guiltily cutting off her cousin who felt she was like a sister. Cutting off her grandparents and aunts and uncles. Cutting off her summers at the shore and family vacations and baking with mom and so many many things that she can only have from me. She is too young to understand that life is long and time passes and people just need to move on. After 2 years of her empty bedroom I gutted it and made it a room for my son and his friends. We both had to move on. I did it myself and felt incredible pain realizing she isn't coming back but I had to go through that phase of grieving. You need to both keep trying and you also need to suck it up and move on. Keep in mind, so much damage has been done that if she showed up on my doorstep my first instinct would be to drop to my knees and hug her and be so thankful. But she would not be welcome at this point back in my house to live. She is a different person and we would need to go to therapy. I don't trust her. After hundreds of unanswered but read texts to her, she says nothing. She does nothing. She lives 4 miles away from me and chooses every single day to do nothing. That's what kills me. Worst, is her father who shared the same tears with me when she was born doesn't have the sense of being a father to do anything or guide her or even get a sense of the magnitude of my pain because his current wife is happy to have my daughter to herself after she lost a daughter the same age to cancer years ago. It's brutal. So yes, PTSD flared up when I get a random email asking me for tuition. Depression that instill have to live in this area and not get a fresh start someplace else where I don't have to scan the parking lot for their cars. Thankful I have my son who somehow is getting that I actually do have love for her, that I do love him, and that I am a good mom. He is the only reason I am still here. Kids.... They twist your best intentions into something so opposite. The ex spouse interprets your every move to see, touch, hold your child again as manipulative on your part. It's abusive.I am reading a book about "Parental Alienation Syndrome". I have had to photocopy some pages as I begin to assemble my spring meeting notebook of my statement of good as I am going to call it with an attorney to stop my ex from contacting me. That I not be forced to pay for her college education as she has disconnected for over 3 years while I have paid for her child support to her two income father and step mother, and so that I have something to give to my son when he goes to school. The book was under $15 and I got it from Amazon. It's called "abandoned parents, the devils dilemma: causes and consequences of adult children abandoning their parents." Chin up people. Be the better person. Be the better parent. Life is long and hopefully, one day, when your kids come full circle, they will swallow that lump in their adult throat and say to you, I am so sorry for the pain I caused. Hopefully, you both will be able to look back, if not them, then you, and see your text and paper trail of love, open heart and that's all that they will have to throw in your face. Who knows.... the alternative is an emotional abyss. Set your boundaries 2ff7e9595c
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